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Old 07-19-2011, 12:10 PM  
I knew this day would come
slacker- slacker- is offline 07-19-2011, 12:10 PM
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I always knew this day would come, and within the next 4 years. I didn't expect you to make it past 30.

so I'm shocked, but not, I guess. In some ways, I'm shocked you made it this far.

Still, this 1 really hurts, cuz we were close. real close. there was always something about you, you were so fucked up yet you had this undeniable charisma about you, everyone felt it. & you were there for me when it counted, you helped me a lot.

We lost touch the last couple years, which I regret. I've regretted it for a while, cuz in the back of my mind I always had a feeling time was limited, you wouldn't be around long. I kept meaning to call you, too, and get back in touch b/c it's not even like we had a fight, we just lost touch, mostly my fault. I wish I'd made more effort, why didn't I just pick up the phone?? I was just thinking about this the other day, too, how much it would suck if you died and I didn't get to talk to you like I kept meaning to..

Too late, looks like I missed you by 4 days. 4 fucking days.

I'm gonna regret this one.

Last edited by slacker-; 07-21-2011 at 04:58 AM..

 
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Old 07-15-2014, 06:45 AM   #31
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Old 07-15-2014, 07:30 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by slacker- View Post
You know what memory sticks out most these days? It's not the good times or the bad times, it's one afternoon in April 2001. we were all sitting in group, she was going on about some story/point and everyone, including the adults, was just sitting around, nodding along, smiling, when suddenly, she goes, "I don't plan on living past 30."
I don't know if she just said that to see how far she could push it w/the adults, knowing full well that since she was leaving on Friday, it was out of their hands. what i do know is no one reacted to it, even though, in my opinion, that's kind of a weird statement for a rich, white, 16 year-old girl. i raised an eye-brow but said nothing, but in my mind, i thought, "i don't see you making it to 30, either." i'd been thinking that for a while. even at 16, i sensed that people like her don't live long.
Man, that phrase "I don't plan on living past 30" was basically a mantra amongst my buddies and I in our late teens and early 20's. I can remember simultaneously thinking that I wouldn't live to see 30, yet also believing I'd make my first million by 30.

You ever wonder like, geez, what would their life be like today if they were still alive? Maybe they would have changed their ways a little, met somebody, got some opportunity, and been on a completely different track than the one they were on in the last year of their life?

Life is a trip. Death sucks for those of us left behind. Sorry again about your friend.
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Old 07-17-2014, 10:05 AM   #33
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I have so much to say about me and this girl but some of it's so personal...I don't know if LL's the place to do it.
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Old 07-17-2014, 05:33 PM   #34
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Not intending to advise you...just a "what I would do" thingy. Keep the personal stuff personal. You never know when, down the line, some creep could use it. I understand the need to share memories but thats best done with a trusted friend irl.
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Old 07-19-2014, 11:13 AM   #35
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Not intending to advise you...just a "what I would do" thingy. Keep the personal stuff personal. You never know when, down the line, some creep could use it. I understand the need to share memories but thats best done with a trusted friend irl.
Exactly
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:19 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by slacker- View Post
I have so much to say about me and this girl but some of it's so personal...I don't know if LL's the place to do it.
RIP for her soul.

You are in emotional stress. She will be in your dreams too not just your regular way of everyday thinking. Sad to hear you couldn't accommodate the last years of her life, but you have your reasons for whatever they were it's too late to question yourself! No you could talk her out from her own life, almost impossible, advice helps if commitments do exist.

Cherish her good memories, she will always smile upon you the good way you see her.

If it's my advice to give; find somebody who knows her and you trust. So you can talk about her good memories from old days. Don't be shy to face our reality, we are following her soon or later, it's matter of time.
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Old 07-31-2014, 10:43 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by slacker- View Post
I have so much to say about me and this girl but some of it's so personal...I don't know if LL's the place to do it.
See, I think LL is the perfect place. You can get this off your chest and get input from people worldwide. Some you might like, some you might not, but who the hell cares, its the wonderful internet. Its not like you have to deal with us at home, or work, ect. I know that even talking to friends and family sometimes you don't talk about certain things, maybe as not to embarrass yourself or because you just plain don't want them to know.
Choice is yours.
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