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Old 03-09-2018, 06:30 PM   #421
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Quote:
Yo momma so old she has a separate entrance for black dicks.
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Old 03-11-2018, 10:20 PM   #422
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Yes the next couple were blatantly stolen....


A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.
Bartender: What's the matter buddy?
Man: It's the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?
Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!
Bartender: What about your best friend?
Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!
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Old 03-11-2018, 10:21 PM   #423
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...........The next day the wife takes the dog to the vet where he meets another dog and he asks why he's there. Other dog says "I can't stop humping the couch so I'm getting fixed. Why are you here?" First dog says I got caught humping my owner's wife." Second dog says "Youch, so you getting fixed too?" to which the first dog says "Nah, I'm just getting my nails trimmed."
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Old 03-11-2018, 10:23 PM   #424
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dan123 View Post
...........The next day the wife takes the dog to the vet where he meets another dog and he asks why he's there. Other dog says "I can't stop humping the couch so I'm getting fixed. Why are you here?" First dog says I got caught humping my owner's wife." Second dog says "Youch, so you getting fixed too?" to which the first dog says "Nah, I'm just getting my nails trimmed."
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:14 AM   #425
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How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman?



None!
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Old 03-24-2018, 04:06 AM   #426
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I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a guy hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just taking a shit."
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Old 03-24-2018, 04:46 AM   #427
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What do thousands of battered women the world over have in common


They just won’t listen
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:02 AM   #428
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The Engineer just got out of rehab, I asked him what hes doing for Easter, he said, "Same as Jesus, going out on Friday and coming back on Monday".
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Old 03-24-2018, 07:32 PM   #429
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Takin a shit..
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Old 05-11-2018, 10:50 AM   #430
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A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow-driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game.. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 65 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 70 off came the pants. At 75 it was her bra and At 80 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time...and traveling faster than he ever had before...he became very excited and lost control of the car.
He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree! His girlfriend was not hurt, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replied, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
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