Home Protection

[treefish]

Originally Posted by lipskip

My rapier-like wit.

Be careful. A disarming female burglar could use it against you.

[treefish]

Some good passive measures include:
Lights (on motion detectors)
Window bolts (small, in the side of the window; require a "key")
Security Monitoring System sign (you should have the system, too, but definitely use the sign)
Prickly bushes near first floor windows.
Or my wife's personal favorite - leave the floor cluttered so the burglar trips and breaks an ankle.

"Don't Tread On Me" flag. (Seriously).

Others? (I was joking about my wife)

[lipskip]

I spray feces everywhere so they won't steal my shit.

Get it?

Steal my shit?

I'm here all week folks.... try the buffet!

[Sweetmama2185]

My dogs let me know if some one down the hall so much as farts during the night.

[lipskip]

Originally Posted by Sweetmama2185

My dogs let me know if some one down the hall so much as farts during the night.

When Art was sleeping in the bed with me, he'd let me know he farted by leaving the room in disgust.

He was a loyal dog.

[Sweetmama2185]

Originally Posted by lipskip

When Art was sleeping in the bed with me, he'd let me know he farted by leaving the room in disgust.

He was a loyal dog.

My daughter just farted and it was so bad the dogs kept looking at her with their ears back and a look of worry on their faces.

I think they were concerned something died in her ass.

[lipskip]

Originally Posted by Sweetmama2185

My daughter just farted and it was so bad the dogs kept looking at her with their ears back and a look of worry on their faces.

I think they were concerned something died in her ass.

I certainly hope there wasn't a man in the room at the time.

Women that fart in the presence of men should be burned at the stake as witches.

I know that may seem over the top....

[treefish]

Wow. Dog farts and witch trials, huh? You guys managed to troll this thread pretty fast.

[treefish]

Here's another few suggestions:

Put on different interior lights, on different timers, so it's not routine. (But this might not be worth the trouble, because it will only deter criminals who are smart enough to case the house, and if they are smart enough to do that, they are smart enough to figure out when you are really home).

Here's one I like: program your car's gps "home" setting for a few blocks away - like at the local high school or police department. That way, if your car is stolen, the thieves can't use your gps to find your home, and your garage door opener to get in undetected.

[lipskip]

Have a 17 year old watch dog in the front yard that just evacuates his bowels and hides under the car shivering whenever somebody walks up.

They'll know you ain't got any good shit to steal and give you a pass.